Kelly

Oh my gosh, that is profound and true, and I love, I love your perspective because I think that that’s. Oh my gosh, so many points that you just hit on are so many things that people struggle with so having having that experience too I think that it’s so important to draw those lines because you will you will absolutely spend this time, the time that you like want to invest in learn and like read the books and do all of the things that you’re like reading blogs and, you know, doing all of that intensive work, and then you’re like, I still can’t figure this out.

Crystal

How to not react the way that I am reacting or how to feel that way that I’m like getting somewhere so oh my gosh, that’s, that’s a great story. I love that and now that’s what I get to do all day, and I just love it. I love being able to see like I worked with this mom the other day, and she’s young and she has these two little kids and her kids aren’t sleeping through the night and her baby is not nursing very well and like I used to feel exactly the way that she felt she was just like I can’t handle this like I call my husband and text him all day and I’m like, I’m seriously like “I need to get out of the house, I can’t do this anymore”.

I just remember so strongly feeling that exact way like I just could not handle this on my own, which then I think left me feeling resentful that my husband got to go off to work and I was like maybe I should just go off to work like maybe I just like don’t even want to be here with my kids anymore. And I actually talked to several moms who feel that way who literally feel like they just want to get a full time job so that they don’t have to deal with their kids, as much because they don’t know how. And so, can I move them into a space of feeling that they do know exactly how to deal with them and that they can handle them and they can they can have that power again, that it just gives them so much more freedom in their life.

Kelly

I would love to hear if you have any tips just maybe for somebody that’s feeling overwhelmed so like any quick things that you can think of that might be a help, that’s something that’s not too intense we can’t go into. Anything to point towards self care for mental health would be great.  I would love to go into something deeper maybe in a different time but I think that there’s probably so many people that are going to watch this that are feeling the same way that it felt the same way I know just hearing your story it’s resonating with me so much when I had my second child. It was like it flipped my world upside down and, he was so good. And I was like, struggling, I mean my maternity leave I serious when I say that my maternity leave with my second one was basically crying like everybody was crying the whole time, like I was like they were crying my older one was crying because she wanted me, he was crying. These babies crying, and then I was crying because I felt like I didn’t know how to just like nurse him all the time and then still keep my older one happy.

Crystal

It was. Oh, totally, I have parents that come, and I asked them what they what their goal in parenting is like what would a perfect situation look like for you, and every single one has told me like when in the future I want my children to feel like they’re loved like they’re connected like they can come back and then I’m a safe space.

I love that goal for them, but their current parenting is not indicative of that it’s yelling and shaming anger based parenting punishments discipline like all of the things that aren’t going to lead to that kind of connection or relationship, and they don’t know how to get there.  I had this client who had the one of her thoughts, because a lot of what we work on is what your current thinking is was like I don’t know what to do with this child like I just don’t know what to do. And I it was like a light bulb moment because when I, we could move her to this forward space of like okay well if you’re feeling really empowered and really confident and you really didn’t know what to do, what would you do, and she straight up said like every single thing from the books that I always read she does, she didn’t read these books but she was like, well I’d control my emotions and be a good role model and I would notice what was like the behavior behind  what’s going on behind their behavior and I would just spend more time connecting before that happens and I would you know just allow them their space and I wouldn’t yell at them like for literally every single thing from all the books. And I think that that is where we can get to, I think that we all are our own parenting expert. If we can just get out of our own way and not be so like blocked by the fact that we don’t have control that our baby’s crying that we, the nursing isn’t going well that we’re, you know, all of the things so there’s so much I could say about this but I’ll give you two things are so much.

 One is self care and actual self care so the self care that you know like I said like I would go to girls nights and then I would immediately come home and feel burnt out like the second that I stepped in the door. So it’s like the kind of self care that really nourishes your body and your spirit and your mind so healthy food and exercise for sure, but meditation, or if you do devotional some sort of spiritual devotional, or for your mind I, that’s what I do with coaching. I get coached on my own every week, although all the time regularly and just doing that mindset work regularly, and positive self talk like all the negative self talk we have inside of us is a huge form of not self care, and we’re just constantly having this going inside of us and believing all of these thoughts that are happening. Self care for mental health is essential. And then we wonder why we’re burnt out and we can’t handle it when our mind all day is going like well you can’t do this. You’re the worst like, “I can’t believe you had your kids watch TV all day”  all these thoughts.